I thought I'd update or something... seeing as thought I haven't in such a long while. Not that anyone cares, I sure as hell don't. But it gives me something to do, I suppose...

I've got all of Hollywood on my toothpaste and nothing seems dim-lit or otherwise spontaneous.
I've conspired against an seemingly erroneous thought that even though everything seems... perfect. For the time being, but I know it's just the honeymoon stage.

I spent lastnight gazing at the dampened sky, clutching my mobile in one hand and using my other to raise my head. My thoughts heightened and raced around like those seabirds I once marveled at by the sea. The stars were out for show and I was but a spectator of their luminous splendor. The grass couldn't take the pressure and let out spars of irritation. It made me feel cold in a sense, you look at all that splendor and you know you're not alone. Like, there is someone else star gazing too. And its comforting in a sense, to know that somewhere across the world, we're being thought of, dreamt of and are someone's closure and warmth...
It's flattering really, but makes my skin race all the same.

We all have bright lights somewhere... they're just dampened at this moment in time and untouchable. She told me, "Even if we are to break apart, I'm sure we'll find our way to eachother, just like lasttime. I will still love you as I know you will love apart of me too... but I think thats not enough for you, is it? You need substance and you can't reach mine... will we falter? Will we fail somewhere along the road?"

It made me think; Nothing is forever. I already knew that, but it just made it stick more, like butter and bread or honey and wine. A terrible mixture, mind you. But still... I know she is here and there and everywhere. Her profanity will clear my space. Je'taime, Marié... I will always. But I still don't get why you want to marry me? Me, of all people!?

I think I'm just re-evaluating everything to suite my own inner conflicts. Music and wine just to pass the time isn't brilliant. Neither is Malibu and Coca Cola... but be contravene of that factor. Please?

I dislike the fact people undermine factual existence. In particular one person at the moment. I mean, it's pathetic really. The more you do it, the further I will cease trying not to erase you, but you've already started on me, so what's the point? You can shove that photograph down your throat, guide you in, and you smother me. Oh, the great divide... and everything else in life.

On a brighter note:
I've recently turned 17. Nothing feels different, just ordinary. But my thoughts are racing as is my heart and everything else I control. Perhaps it will hit me when I turn 18 in a years time. Or maybe not... you never know. Relationships seem overrated and we don't know when to stop or where the boundaries are... I'll keep pushing them though, just to loosen the knot. But not too far, because you'll test them further than you want, and you'll end up with leaky holes in their brains and the shackles break. Along with everything else you work so hard to achieve. But thats their problem, not mine.

School is tedious and I'm going for my OP though I'm not even valid anymore. But still... I am doing it and I don't need to. People expect great things from me, but I can't live up to their expectations because I think it is within my nature not to. As it is for a scorpion to sting a frog. Then again, I'm just complacent.

I've also decided to enter University as a 'mature' aged student, because I want to live and explore and just figure what the fuck to do first! Sort everything out firstly, then set up the rest gradually. It's not like I'm in a rush, I don't know what I'm going to be... I know where I'm going and who I'm going too, but nothing else is certain. Like dimly lit street lamps, I can't tell the difference from the black tar pit of bitumen or the lush graphite of grass that borders everything to one side and in its place. Like a black swan.

And I've been commissioned by Megan, a friend of my mother's, to do some paintings for her and her artist group, to auction/sell at an exhibition. I'll get paid however much my paintings' size is worth and the quality I paint. Prices will ranging from $100-$400+, from what I'm told. Mind you, I hate painting. But it'll help with Europe and my expensive taste.

Anyhow, I am tired and I want to sleep, whilst jettin' through your stars, just like a technicolour wet dream. Straight into you and your arms, like something the world has never seen. Faster and faster, heightened and shortened. Derived from love and abstinence and a touch of sub-ordinant. Fictitiously devious. Oh yes... to the greatest degree. That is the way the barricades fell in and you and me ceased to be.

Goodnight.

p.s: Danny, I want you to come online sometime... we need to talk.

[Signing out]